Sarah, Jareth, and the Spoof that Drove Them Crazy
by crnflkgal
Summary: This is a spoof on labyrinth fanfics. Please read an enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own the Labyrinth or its characters

A/N: This is a spoof on Labyrinth fanfiction. Don't be offended by anything I put here, because I am also making fun of myself. Really it is all fun and games. So sit back and enjoy the story.

* * *

Sarah was walking down the street. It had been a very busy day. She woke up that morning and discovered that her brother Toby had wished his friend away to the labyrinth. No wait it wasn't his friend it was herself; or was it their cousin; or maybe the dog; perhaps the goldfish? Actually no it wasn't that at all.

Sarah had a busy day because of the new guy in school. Yeah that was it, the new guy who looked a lot like someone from her past…

Sarah stops walking when Jareth pops in right in front of her "We are not doing this plot again Narrator! I do not like acting like a school boy!"

But people think it is fun

"Well blast them all to hell I don't care we are not doing that plot again. It was fun the first, second, third, ninety-eighth time but it is just boring now. Can't we do something original?"

Like what?

"I don't know you are the writer, not me."

Well what do you think Sarah

"Personally I like it when the story is NC17 if you get what I mean." Sarah winks at Jareth.

Too bad I am not in the mood for smut today Sarah so keep your pants on.

Sarah huffs, "Well please just make it interesting."

I will try. Now go away Jareth, you aren't going to be coming into play for a while.

Jareth pops out of the scene.

Alright so Sarah is walking down the street. Her mind was wondering like it always does around that time every year. The anniversary was tomorrow. Tomorrow it will eight years since Sarah defeated the Labyrinth. For the past few year Sarah had been regretting the decision she had made when she last saw Jareth.

"He offered me my dreams," Sarah said, "And I turned him away." Sarah stared off in the distance and then an angry look came over her face, "Narrator I want to be an independent woman! Why do people always want to make me broken?"

Because when you are broken you give in very easily. When you are strong headed it is a lot harder to make you love Jareth in the end. Besides when you have a very strong character it is hard not to make you come off as bitchy.

"Well all I am saying is you better not make me suicidal, mentally insane, dying of cancer, an abused wife, a widow, or stupid."

Whatever you say, can I get on with the story now?

"Yes you may."

A very beautiful girl who is dressed like a flapper then comes running up to Sarah and kicks her in the shins.

"That is for ruining my plans!"

"Oh my God that hurt! What are you talking about? I have never met you before!"

The flapper is offended, "How quickly you forget Sarah! I am Cassandra! Remember? I tried taking over your life and you beat me because of sheer luck. That is all it was babe, LUCK!" Cassandra then lights a cigarette and blows the smoke in Sarah's face.

Sarah coughs and fans the smoke away. "Cassandra, Cassandra? Oh I think I know who you are, though I am not the Sarah you are after."

"What are you talking about? You look just like her. I should know I had to see her face in the mirror for sometime!"

"No you don't understand. I am Sarah but not the Sarah from your story. There are about three hundred versions of us all around," Sarah looks down at her watch, "Right now I am sure you can find your Sarah hanging around on some Labyrinth Board posting her ideas as to how the movie should have ended. She is a heavy believer in the whole "she loved Jareth but didn't know what the feeling really was at that time so couldn't deal with it" theory.

"Oh," Cassandra said, "any particular board?"

"Well right now that Sarah seems to favor a board called Labyrinth Unlimited."

"Okay thanks for the help. Oh and sorry I kicked you in the shins. Are you alright?"

"I will be fine. Just go so we can get on with the story!"

"Alright goodbye!" Cassandra disappears.

Sarah starts walking down the street again.

* * *

I might continue with this and I might now. I really don't know. I wrote it on a whim but still I had fun writing it. Maybe I will write a little more...hmmm... Oh and if you don't know who Cassandra is she is a character I made up for another one of my stories. I just had to throw her in because I love writing about her. 


	2. Chapter 2

Jareth was sitting in his throne room watching Sarah through one of his crystals. He sees her walking down the street when all of a sudden she is attacked by Jareth's brother's sister in law's ex dog walker's male nanny.

"Oh wait, never mind," Jareth said, "It is just a mugger, looks a lot like him though."

Jareth, don't you think you should you know…help Sarah?

"Well I just ate and I am too tired to fight."

We are talking about the woman you love here Jareth. Don't you think you can find the energy to save her?

"But I want to go for the whole dramatic entrance thing."

What is more dramatic than magically popping in and saving the day?

"Well you see that just makes me come off as a stalker kind of. See while technically I am a peeping tom, evidence me watching her through the crystal, it would be more dramatic I think if I came in after she is almost bludgeoned to death. I could say that I heard she got hurt through the grapevine."

Where in the hell did you get that idea? That is stupid!

"No it isn't stupid! In the end it all works out. I get to sit here a little longer and then swoop in and carry her away. You could make up some rule that I have to follow, Narrator. Something like how I can't hurt humans."

"YOU LAZY ASS!" Sarah yelled from the crystal while trying to fight off the mugger in a sort of damsel in distress type way, "You want me to get the crap kicked out of me so you can sit there and do nothing for another 5 minutes!"

"That sounds about right," Jareth said.

Sarah tried to slap the mugger but he grabbed her by the arm and threw her down to the ground. "HOLY HELL THAT HURT!" she screamed.

Sarah are you forgetting something?

"What?" She asked

You are a black belt.

"I am? Really?"

Yeah you said you didn't want to be weak so I made you a black belt in this story.

"Awesome! So why am I letting this guy beat me up again?"

I don't know.

Sarah then knocked the guy of his feet and started running.

"You are saying that I am a black belt and I am running away! Well that is stupid!"

Hey I suck at writing fight scenes alright! Get over it!

Sarah walks into the library and sits down at a computer. She logs onto because one of her favorite authors had updated a story. She reads it a then realizes that the author didn't do a shout out to the reviewers

"She normally has funny comments for the reviews people leave. I wonder what happened."

I can tell you what happened. won't let author's do that anymore.

"You mean to tell me you can't say anything to the people who reviewed this story?"

Nope

"Well that sucks. So you don't get to tell Sparkling that Cassandra is hers to deep fry?"

Nope

"Or Lhiata that although I would prefer an NC17 you don't think the people at Fanfiction would really appreciate that because they are pansies?"

Can't say that

"What about telling Lady Goblins how flattered you were when you read that this story brightened her day?"

Can't say that either although it is the truth

"You at least have to tell Aikido, White Shadow, Aurora, and Pink Thanks for reviewing. And that you are very unbalanced so the story pretty much mirrors your thinking process."

I wish I could but my hands are tied.

"Those bastards!"

Well I could personally reply to each signed review.

"But I know you don't have time for that! You left me hanging around out on the streets for a good two weeks before you started writing this again."

I know I don't have a lot of time! Plus I can't really reply to anonymous reviews. But there really isn't anything I can do. Now I can't tell anyone how much I enjoy reading their reviews. But really there is nothing I can do.

"Oh well," Sarah logs off of her computer.

* * *

A/N: So yeah…I will try to update soon. If you can't tell…there really isn't much of an outlined plot for this story. 


	3. Chapter 3

Alright so I, Sarah, have taken over this fanfic…the narrator is taking too damn long! I mean I have been in the library for NINE months and to be honest I am seriously bored. I have read pretty much all the books in here. So yeah this is my fanfic now.

"Hang on a second!" says Jareth from his thrown, "What do you think you are doing?"

I told you I am taking control of this fanfic. The narrator is obviously too busy with other stories to even bother with us.

"What other stories of hers are more important than ours?"

I don't know there is one called Sarah's 18th Birthday she finished working on a while ago.

"Oh Sarah's _18th_ Birthday." Jareth says with a wink. "I am sure that is rated M and yummy…"

No actually its not…the most we do is kiss in it…I was seriously disappointed with that!

"Well anyways if she finished working on it what else does she have to work on other than our story?

A story called Masquerade. She's been working on that like FOREVER…if you ask me it is complete crap. I mean the Sarah that she employed for that story never puts any feeling behind her words.

"Masker aid? Is that like a tool for a person who makes masks?"

I really don't know…

"Wait you said you read all the books in the library. Shouldn't you know what it means? Our narrator doesn't have that extensive of a vocabulary."

Well I only read the really smutty ones! Any other books are a waste of time!

The narrator wakes up and discovers her characters have taken over the story, "Hey what in Sam Hell are you guys doing? I told you I would work with you guys later!" she exclaims.

We have heard NINE months of laters from you!

"I know,"says Jareth, "Sarah and I could've gotten it on and had a couple of little Jareths by now!"

The narrator rolls her eyes, "In nine months you could only have one baby, Jareth…"

"Well…umm…well you see us fae, yeah us fae we have babies in 1/3 the time you humans do! What do you have to say to that?" Jareth says smugly.

"That it's not true."

"What do you mean it's not true? I of all people should know!"

The narrator shakes her head, "No, I of all people should know. I created this world therefore I create the rules."

Not any more! I have taken over this story NARRATOR! I control YOU now!

"Sarah shut up…and no you don't control me."

YES I DO! Let's see what shall I have her do…So the narrator starts walking down the street.

--the narrator doesn't go anywhere—

I Said the NARRATOR starts WALKING down the STREET

"You have no power over me!"

"Oh that is so cliché." Jareth rolls his eyes.

"And why is everything I am saying being put into quotes?" the narrator asks.

Because I took over the story and there is nothing you can do about it

Oh look I just got out of quotes Sarah! Haha you thought you had control when you really don't. Now put these quotes on over the things you are saying and I shall forget this ever happened.

NO!

Put them on Sarah!

No! No you can't make me!

Wanna bet?

You can't do anything that will make me put those quotes on.

Yes I can. So Sarah was standing outside the library and decided to put some lovely quotes over her words…

"I HATE YOU!" Sarah yells.

I win…so now then Sarah decides she wants to study to become a nun so she joins a convent and takes a vow of silence. Now that takes care of her for a while…what should I do with Jareth.

"Please narrator, just leave me alone. Sarah was the one complaining not me."

Alright I shall leave you alone for now. But Sarah's vow won't last forever. Somehow she is becoming smarter. She might find a way to seriously take over this fic.

"Well if you pay more attention to us and less attention to your Masking Aid we wouldn't have this problem!"

My Masking Aid? What are you talking about? I am going to go back to bed now that the threat of a mutiny is over. Good Night Jareth.

"Good Night my sweet lushes Queen,"Jareth starts shaking is head vigorously, "Bleh narrator do you want me to vomit? Why did you make me say that?"

Because I always wanted to hear you say it to me! HAHA! So yeah I promise I will try to update this story a little more often.

"I know dragonsobsession thought you would never update this story again."

I read the reviews Jareth.

"I am just telling you that Tess, Pickle, Ocean Fairy, Anonymous Soul, AikidoChick, Mcfly, Sparkling, and others really like us and would like to see more of us."

I am truly flattered Jareth and I apologize for not really finding the time. But really when I find time it usually gets taken away by the time bully!

"Oh and one last thing The Lady of the Labyrinth said she wants to meet my disturbed brother…do we have to let her?"

Maybe later…but I am tired right now. Again Good night.

Jareth squishes his lips together.

Come on Jareth…you know you can't help it. You are going to say it sooner or later. You may as well say it sooner and save yourself some of the pain.

"GoodNightDarlingDearestLoveofMyLife," Jareth guzzles half a bottle of Listerine spits and then says, "You are such a girl!"

I KNOW! Thank you Jareth!


	4. Chapter 4

Jareth oh Jareth Where are you?

"I am not coming out." A voice came from the Escher room in Jareth's castle.

Oh and why not Jareth? Haven't I been good to you? I left you alone when Sarah tried to take over the story. I mean I would love to have a whole year of doing whatever the heck I want.

"But it hasn't been a whole year has it? Oh no it has been a whole year since you have posted, yes but not since you have messed with me. Making me say lovey dovey things to you and then disappearing for weeks at a time. Do you have any idea what that can do to a man? "

I didn't know what to do Jareth. Yes I have been toying with you but just because I have sort of reached a dead end here. I mean the Sarah I employed for this story didn't quite work out and I had to have her sent of to a convent.

"Well why can't you get a new Sarah?"

That's the thing…I am having a hard time tracking one down. Not many Sarah's want to work with someone who will leave them alone for months at a time.

"So are you telling me that you are giving up?"

Well yes I don't have another Sarah and the one I did have probably won't work for me since I had her sent to a convent.

"No, I am not loosing this job as well. I have been put to work on way to many fanfics that just stop, end without a 'the end.' No I am going to track down Sister Sarah and we are going to have a good ending for this story." Jareth then turns himself into an owl and flies off.

Wow talk about the characters taking over the plot again…I hope Jareth won't be too reckless. Maybe I will throw some crazy off the wall obstacle in his way just to make this interesting.

I guess I should also track down Sarah as well and see if she is where I left her. This could be fun. I think Jareth is actually onto something!


	5. Chapter 5

Jareth has been flying for months and he hasn't had any luck in finding Sister Sarah. He was set to give up when he noticed something in the woods.

"It is a prison," Jareth thought. He flew in to get a closer view.

It wasn't really a prison. It was more like a single jail sell among many trees. Inside the cell were thousands of characters. There were some Jareths, some Sarahs, there were a couple Buffys, Inuyashas, Edward Cullens, and so on. All of them had numbers around their necks. Most were in the one to twenty range. There were a few though that reached into the hundreds.

Jareth quickly transformed into his human form. As soon as he did most of the characters came rushing to the bars screaming, "Review my story!" "Please write a review." "I only need one more review till I am set free!"

Edward came up to the bars saying, "If you want to see what happened to Bella after she had the baby, write 5 reviews. It has been three weeks since Bella went into labor and I don't even know the sex of my child."

A Jareth came up saying, "Hey man help a brother out. Tell my writer she is amazing so I can finally kiss Sarah."

"Narrator what is this place?" Jareth asked.

It is a place where authors hold their stories hostage.

"What do you mean? How can they hold them up like that?"

Well if an author is upset with the number of reviews they are getting they will sometimes hold the story hostage till they reach a certain number of reviews. They hold all of their characters here until their demands are met.

"That is terrible! Those poor characters! What did they do to deserve this? I mean you ignore me, but at least you haven't thrown me into prison."

No, I never felt the need to. I mean I like praise, it makes me feel good. But the idea of demanding it…well that never sat well with me.

"Can we set them free?"

I wish I could but yours is really the only story I control. If I could I would. I would be so happy if I could. Many stories that I enjoy would be closer to their end. But I can't. The only thing I can do is suggest that you move on.

"I haven't gotten any closer to finding Sarah though. Are you sure you don't know where she is?"

You would think I would. But I don't. When I sent her to that convent I thought she would find a way back…turns out Slutty Sister Sarah is not as smart as I pegged her to be.

"Alright, I'll keep looking. But just promise me one thing; you will never hold me hostage."

….

"Narrator, PROMISE ME YOU WON'T HOLD ME HOSTAGE."

Jareth I can't do that.

"WHY NOT?!?!?!"

Well I can promise you I will never hold this story hostage but…I can't say I won't hold you hostage. The thought of you being bound, gagged, and under my control is just too tempting.

"NO!"

Don't worry Jareth that is not THIS story. You can continue your search for Sarah, without the fear of being tied up by me…for now.

* * *

A/N: Thank you all so much for reviewing...Really writing this always makes me giggle. I also get out some of my frustration. So thank you again for reading my funny little fanfic. 


End file.
